Vacations are always a good idea. Whether you’re sightseeing in Europe, tanning in Mexico or parasailing on a Caribbean cruise, vacations are a perfect way to focus on the serenity and peacefulness that life can offer. No more responsibilities, no more wailing cats and no more to-do lists.
Ahh… bliss…
Wait a second. You don’t get off that easy. Don’t you find that the few days before you leave for a week in heaven, things start to go a little awry? Here’s a list of 20 things that we, as civilized human beings, always go through because we leave for vacation.
- If you’re anything like us, the very first thing you do before any vacation is go shopping. Any excuse for a new bikini, really, is good enough for us. You go to the mall and find a few (okay, maybe more than a few) pairs of bikinis that are incredibly flattering on you. You go to the register to pay, and oops! You forgot your credit card. Internal screaming starts now.
- Speaking of credit cards, you remind yourself to call the credit card company to let them know that you will be leaving the country, and to please not cancel your credit card whilst in the middle of bargaining for those gorgeous pearl studs, thank you very much. A little souvenir shopping never hurt anyone.
- At home, you lug up your suitcase and open up your closet. The inevitable question comes to mind at this point: what am I going to bring with me? This is a serious question, people. If you forget that silk cream top for that gourmet restaurant dinner you reserved, future you will not be too happy.
- While packing, you almost forget sunscreen. Almost means you didn’t. It was a close save. Going down the list, you remember you have to run out and buy Aloe Vera, extra chapstick and deodorant. All very necessary for a happy vacation.
- While at the drug store, you pick up your last minute items and hop back in the car. Remembering this time to pack your credit card, you pass the mall… and was that the voices of the bikinis pleading for you to buy them? You heard them too, right?
- You practically skip towards the rack where you found your five new best friends, and low and behold – they’re gone. GONE. After ten minutes of cursing yourself, you sulk back home. Back to packing.
- Packing flies by. You consider being a professional packer for a moment; you are that impressed with yourself. Okay, moment’s over.
- Now that you’re done with packing, it’s time to get a little snack. All of that professional packing work you’ve done has certainly worked up an appetite. You pull open your fridge doors and peer inside to reveal – nothing. “That’s right… I ate all my food before I leave tomorrow morning so that the food wouldn’t go bad” you think, smiling at how smart you are. “Which leaves nothing for me to eat here…” another thought, with the smile long gone.
- To that local Greek takeout restaurant across your street! You’d never say no to souvlaki, anyway.
- After gorging on enough tzatziki sauce to feed a small country, you head home. Maybe you’ll curl up with one of your library books, and relax a little. Doesn’t that sound nice?
- Fifteen minutes (and one stubbed toe) later, you realize that you returned all of your library books. Including Sophie Kinsella’s latest. Why? Why?!!!
- Maybe I’ll watch a re-run of Friends. When life gets down, all you need is for Joey Tribbiani to say “How you doin’?” and everything is dandy again. Reaching for the DVD box set, your hand comes up empty.
- That’s right… you forgot you lent Season 8 to your cousin. “Can I borrow Season 8? You’re going to be on vacation, so you won’t be needing it!” You can just hear your cousin manipulating that box set right from under you.
- Who needs books or television when you can look your best? You decide for a late night shower – a perfect ending to the day to wash off all that sweat from trying on bikinis for the entire afternoon (are those change room lights getting hotter, or is that just me?)
- Stepping into the shower, you instantly relax. Feeling the warm water wash over you, washing away that Kalamata olive smell from dinner feels completely and utterly amazing. You reach for the shampoo, and for the second time that night, your hands come up empty. That’s right, because of course you already packed your shampoo. Of course you did. Why would you want to make life easier for yourself? Why wouldn’t you want to leave a hot shower to go digging through your very organized and professionally packed suitcase?
- After a very cold few minutes of “The Search for the Shampoo” you finally get to clean your hair.
- Oh no… I think you know what we forgot… not again…
- The conditioner. But really, who wants silky, smooth, healthy hair? What a nightmare, am I right?…
- After drying yourself off, and successfully washing and conditioning your long locks, you pass out on your bed. At least you left your pillow to pack for tomorrow.
- Closing your eyes, you feel yourself drifting off to sleep. You are completely exhausted. Maybe after this vacation, you’ll need another one.
However many irritating things that happen to you before you jet off, have no fear. Remember what’s important here: that you are going on vacation. You’re about to experience a new culture, new foods and meet some amazing new people. These three things will all be worth the nuisance of preparing for a trip. You’ll come back rejuvenated, refreshed and ready to take on the world.
THIS IS A JOKE RIGHT??! We are planning a trip to the Ozarks only four miles away and I have a list of “things gone wrong” that makes this look like a trip to the park!!!! My dog’s vet is booked so had to get my son’s friend to check on the dog while we’re gone, tire went flat, boat motor won’t start, hitch we put on the car to pull motor now makes muffler sound like race car, tire we fixed had slow leak, now fixed, son’s tooth filling fell out, needs crown, my tooth broke, needs crown, 2 concerts we wanted to see are no longer playing so had to switch tickets for Titanic museum, bb was shot thru the back car window so now have to get that fixed the day before we leave and first two days call for rain…..I could go on with weekly doctor appointments and vet visits but I am exhausted. Will probably sleep the first two days anyway!