Ask Ed And Red

Ask Ed The Sock 18:


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Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock and His Gal Pal RedIn every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE, our readers bare their souls to Ed The Sock & Red, Canada’s high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red’s unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #18 Q & A


Faze Reader:
What do you think about the Iraq war? Do you have the same opinion as most Canadians and think Bush is a complete moron?

ED REPLIES:
Well, not a complete moron – that would let him off the hook too easily for the damage he’s done. I think that the defeat of a dictator anywhere in the world is a good thing, but only if you have a plan to foster improved conditions in the tyrant’s country that are consistent with the values of the people who live there. So I think Bush pooched the whole thing. Now, please let me deal with more weighty issues of teen angst, such as this next one…


Faze Reader:
My two best friends are going out with the same guy and don’t know it. Add to the problem, this guy is one of my closest friends. He knows it’s wrong but he says he is having too much fun. Should I do something about it?

ED REPLIES:
Ever hear that phrase, “Don’t shoot the messenger?” Well, they do. Like a guy whose girlfriend asks him “do these jeans make me look fat?”, you’re in a no-win situation as soon as you open your mouth. Let them find out for themselves, and be there to help them afterward. But don’t let them know you already knew, or you’re sunk.


Faze Reader:
The other day I caught my boyfriend using my oil-free face lotion. I told my girlfriends and they said it’s this thing called “metrosexuals” where guys take just as much care of themselves as girls. But I still can’t get used to him looking at his zits more than I do and frankly, it creeps me out. Can I dump him over something so stupid?

ED REPLIES:
Sure you can, and he’d be better off, since you seem to be a shallow piece of work. Why would you be bothered because your guy cares about appearing presentable? If he starts trying on your underwear, maybe you can question whether you have too much in common, but just because he doesn’t want a pizza face is no reason to worry.


Faze Reader:
My friend has a wedgie problem. She is always picking her butt in public. Should I confront her about her problem or buy her some granny panties?

ED REPLIES:
Well, depending on the cause of the itch, you may need to direct her to 2-ply toilet tissue. But I have it on good authority that full panties, as you’re suggesting, are actually worse for getting caught in the crack of you butt. According to female sources, the best bet is to get her into thongs — they’re supposed to be up your butt, so there’s no need to pull at them.


Faze Reader:
How do I go about ignoring my annoying little brother?

ED REPLIES:
Just like this……………………………………


Faze Reader:
I met this guy I really like, and he really likes me too, but he says I’m too much of a goody-girl. I don’t drink or do some other stuff he does. He is one of those rebellious guys and I’m not sure how to deal with him, but I like him. Besides, don’t opposites attract?

ED REPLIES:
Sometimes they do, like in this case, where you have common sense and he doesn’t. I’m sure he wouldn’t want you harping on him all the time about his drinking and other misadventures, so he should be showing you the same respect for your decisions. But to be honest, “bad boys” are usually insecure and try to hide it with rebellious behaviour that makes them feel in charge. Find someone who doesn’t need to act out, you’ll be better off.


Ed The Sock Album Cover

Get Ed’s compilation CD, Featuring “songs that don’t suck”
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)

Read a ton from Ed The Sock and his partner Red at faze.ca/ask-ed

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