Ask Ed And Red

Ask Ed The Sock 21:


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Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock and His Gal Pal RedIn every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE, our readers bare their souls to Ed The Sock & Red, Canada’s high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red’s unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #21 Q & A


Faze Reader:
I don’t fit in at school. People always tease me because of the way I dress and how I do my hair and makeup. What can I do to make them stop without getting into a fight?

ED REPLIES:
Well, this may be no consolation in the short term, but you’re better off not fitting in at school. Know why? Because fitting in means you’re like everyone else, and everyone else is an idiot. Nobody ever got ahead or made their mark on the world by fitting in. Sure, it’s tough when you’re a teen, but consider this training for being a distinctive adult instead of another McMoron. Be proud of being different, not ashamed.


Faze Reader:
I don’t get it. This guy that I’ve been after for at least a month just started dating this homely nobody. I am way prettier, smarter, taller and I have a car. I’m still going to go after him and try to break them up (oh ya, I’m also very determined). But I don’t get it. What do you guys want?

ED REPLIES:
I can’t tell you what guys want because every guy wants something different. But very few are interested in conceited, judgmental and materialistic girls with a selfish streak a mile wide (e.g. YOU). Leave those two alone and spend time with your real first love – your mirror.


Faze Reader:
So what? I only date good looking girls. I don’t care if they’re smart or have a ‘nice’ personality, I just want to be with someone hot when I go out. People say I’m shallow. Uh, how about, I’m honest!! Come on. People should be more real.

ED REPLIES:
If being more real means being more like you, then no, people should not be more real. P.S. those people who say you’re shallow? They’re giving you too much credit.


Faze Reader:
I’ve been with this guy for a couple of months and he told me he loved me and I said it back even though I wasn’t sure. How do you know when you love someone and when to say “I love you?”

ED REPLIES:
I have no idea. Neither does anyone else. But chances are if so unsure about it that you wrote me this letter, you aren’t in love. Hey you’re a teen, so don’t worry about it–you guys fall in love every 10 minutes anyway. Someone will be along shortly.


Faze Reader:
My best friend thinks she’s really stylish. But she’s so NOT. I mean, she wears okay stuff but it’s always really outdated styles and brands. She’s always like a year or so out of date. It’s really embarrassing. How can I tell her she needs to get with today?

ED REPLIES:
Let me tell you something that your parents should have, if they weren’t too busy working all hours to afford gas for their matching SUVs. Not everyone can afford the newest fashions, and displays of wealth are not the best way to judge someone. If your concern is being seen with someone fashionable, why don’t you hang out with a mannequin from the Gap?


Faze Reader:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months but I recently met another guy that I am way more attracted to. I know my boyfriend is really into me because he told me he loves me. I want to break up with him for this new guy but I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend. How can I break up with my boyfriend without making him hate me afterwards?

ED REPLIES:
Well, you could fake your own death in a fiery car wreck and come back with a new name and dark sunglasses, like in daytime soap operas. Beyond that, there are no guarantees. But keep in mind that new people always seem fresh and exciting because…well, they’re new, fresh and exciting. But when the “new car smell” fades, so does the fresh and exciting. Not necessarily a good idea then, to give up something that works for some momentary hot flashes. Think it through, as much as you can, with your teenage hormone-addled brain.


Faze Reader:
My younger sister goes to the same school as me. She is such a loser! She’s ugly and unpopular and I’m the opposite. I hate when she comes over to talk to me (for obvious reasons). I’ve told her a million times to get lost but she doesn’t get it. How can I get rid of her? She’s going to ruin me. Help!

ED REPLIES:
Sounds like you’re ruined already. You should be happy anyone wants to talk to you, since you’re obviously such a shallow twit. This girl is your sister, and she’ll be there for you later when all your current “friends” stab you in the back as teenagers do. How do I know you have friends who would do that? Because they are the type of people that hang with shallow twits.


Ed The Sock Album Cover

Get Ed’s compilation CD, Featuring “songs that don’t suck”
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)

Read a ton from Ed The Sock and his partner Red at faze.ca/ask-ed

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