Q&A with Dr. Dorothy: Your tough questions answered
Dorothy Ratusny is a Certified Psychotherapist specializing in Cognitive Therapy. Send your ‘Getting Deep’ questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
My best friend is totally in love with Jake Gyllenhaal. I mean, I think she’s gone off the deep end. When we go out and she sees other guys, she’s like, “There’s no way he’d be better than Jake,” so she doesn’t give them a chance. She says the only guy she’ll date is Jake, and that she’s “saving” herself for him. I think she means it! Should I be worried about her, does she need therapy?
The answer is no. Don’t worry, this too will pass.
I think my older sister tries too hard to please her boyfriends. One liked long hair, so she got extensions (expensive!). One liked her in skirts, so that’s all she wore for three months (during winter). Her latest boyfriend mentioned he likes English accents, and now she goes around talking with one (a really bad one!). I think she’s losing her own identity but I don’t know how to tell her. Help.
Your older sister isn’t losing her identity. She just doesn’t have a solid one to stand ground on. Gently voice your concerns. Ask her whether she actually feels good changing who she is to accommodate someone else. In the end, the best thing she can do is work on figuring out who she is (her likes, dislikes, strengths, talents, etc.), so that she can be more herself — and, of course, like who that is!
My friend is on the South Beach Diet. I guess she’s lost a few pounds, but I think it’s really because she’s starting to take better care of herself in general—she works out, gets enough sleep, and is eating well. But the problem is, every time I eat something, she’ll say, “that’s a really bad carbohydrate,” or “there’s a lot of fat in that.” I don’t want to make her feel bad, but I’m not overweight and I don’t watch my weight, so I don’t appreciate her constantly watching what I eat. How do I get her to stop counting MY calories?
You just ask. Remind your friend what a great job she’s done, but politely let her know how you feel when she watches and comments (a little too closely) on what you’re eating.
I am so crushing on my teacher. When I’m in his class I can barely concentrate. I pretend I’m having trouble understanding stuff just so I can go up to him after class and talk to him. He’s never shown any interest in me, but I can’t get him off of my mind. I know this can’t go anywhere, but how do I forget about him when I see him constantly?
You may not be able to forget him, but remind yourself that this is simply a crush. Do your best to stay focused. Channel your crush into an inspiration to learn and do well.
For more on Dorothy check out www.dorothyratusny.com