Living in the XXI century – is to be in a race 24/7: for success, for career growth, for recognition, for financial independence, for a decent man, for having children. Not to go crazy is the number one challenge for modern man.
But failures tend to happen, stresses tend to accumulate, and emotions tend to go out. Reaching the peak of emotional intensity, it is enough just one drop to ruin everything. In a broken state, we can be rude to loved ones, send the boss away with his extra work, run away from all the problems to give ourselves time to breathe.
Others, on the contrary, look for support in every loved one: spouse, parents, friends. They flood them with their minor stories with the context of “how hard their life is” and wait to be offered a solution, to be encouraged, to be motivated to achieve good luck and success, to be comforted and told that everyone is bad, but you are good.
Of course, close people should support you in difficult moments, but it isn’t their duty to be your only support in life and your own backbone.
Everyone should have an inner core that you can rely on. When it isn’t there, or not strong enough to rely on, it can be nurtured if you work hard.
What Is an Inner Core?
All those caring people, into whose arms we run for comfort in difficult moments, are our outward support. We can rely on them, ask for advice, listen to them, and be comforted by their care. But there is also an inner support, which must be something more reliable and solid than the external one. The external support for it isn’t there and the inner support is weak, then there will be nothing to rely on.
The internal support is you! It’s the totality of your internal resources, confidence, self-esteem, ability to analyze situations adequately and draw conclusions, including those concerning your actions and behavior. It’s the ability to find strength in yourself, to choose words for yourself to cheer up, to dust yourself off, and to rise after a failure.
To be with developed inner support is to be like a wobbly toy: no matter what tries to break you and pin you as low to the ground as possible, you find balance and get back on track. Strong people rely only on themselves, weak in spirit count on help and support from outside.
What Is the Inner Support Built of?
Awareness of What Can Be Your Resource
Only being aware of what fuels you from within and helps you keep your balance, you will be able to recover from a failure at a difficult moment and get out of a situation without losses for your psychological health and emotional background. Some get energy while chatting with friends, while others prefer spending time alone and playing at the real money casino Canada or just listening to music.
Awareness of Yourself
Who and what you are, what are your personality qualities, strengths and weaknesses, tastes and preferences, what you like and dislike, what is acceptable and what is not, and other things. Knowing yourself is important in order to adequately assess risks, your behavior in negative situations, and reactions to stimuli.
What is taboo for you, what you live for, what qualities you distinguish and respect, what you dream of and want to achieve, what you want to become in life, what your worldview consists of, what virtues it contains. Values are not a character trait, so they can be adjusted in the course of life.
Understanding the Boundaries of Yourself
What you will never compromise, even if society demands or condemns, and what line you can cross, how far you can go on this or that issue, and so on.
The Ability to Recognize Your Emotions
It’s important for everyone to discern feelings so you don’t inadvertently try on a false feeling. How we are built, what can take us out of ourselves, what actions will make us feel guilty, why we are angry at people – all this must be thoroughly understood and be able to distinguish one from the other.
Inner Forces and Energy
These factors are largely independent of the individual. They are given by nature, are related to the biological health, the way of life of a person, his personality type and peculiarities of the nervous system. But it’s also a component of the internal resource.
How the Inner Support Is Formed
The formation process begins in childhood, when there are obvious examples in front of our eyes: parents, educators, heroes of movies and cartoons. Children, like sponges, absorb variations in people’s behavior and “conserve” them in their heads until the first problems occur. Internal self-sufficiency is strengthened in adolescence, full of problems and life dilemmas. This is when all the accumulated knowledge and qualities manifest themselves, a person reacts to the world, lets the negative pass through and learns how to deal with it correctly.
The environment and upbringing play an important role in the formation of inner resources:
- If a child grew up without enough affection and care, then as an adult he will be able to rely only on himself, but will not be able to rely on other people.
- If a child is loved and spoiled, his external support will prevail over the internal: he will not be able to take care of himself, but will wait for help from others.
How to Find Support Inside Yourself
How do you know if your inner support isn’t strong enough? There’s a simple way.
Think of a negative situation or imagine it. For example, you were offended by a loved one, yelled at the director, ridiculed for something. And you were hurt and hurt. How did you act in this situation? Trying to come to their own senses, and direct the resources to calm and harmonize emotions and the mind? Or was the first thing you did, running to call a friend, your mother, or your partner?
If the second option, we have bad news: you do not draw strength from within, but are trying to find support in others. Although in the first place you should turn to yourself.
Fortunately, the fulcrum can be worked on. And you can develop an inner fulcrum on your own, regardless of past experiences.
How to Develop Self-reliance and Get Your Own Support
Always Take Your Own Side
People have a tendency to impose clichés, label and rate everything. If you’re told you’re fat/ stupid/bad/incapable and so on, don’t blame yourself, don’t judge. Take your side. After all, only you know what you’re really capable of, why you can’t lose weight or why you can’t do anything.
Look at yourself with honest eyes, and then you won’t have to lose your balance at the mere slanting glance in your direction. But if you are really told the truth, you have to accept it.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Anyone
The golden rule that always works! You don’t have to be more successful or better than anyone else, it’s important to be better than yourself. We all have our own weaknesses. And everyone’s character is different. Maybe my mom’s friend’s son is a really great electrician, plumber and handyman, but you design engineering networks and work with your head.
Can that electrician do it? I don’t think so. That’s why comparisons are useless. They only lower self-esteem, and unreasonably so. Find your strengths and draw strength from them.
Look at Your Weaknesses as Opportunities to Be Better
For example, someone gave you an example of a well-read person. And you haven’t held a book in your hands since high school. If you consider it an imperfection, include reading books in the list of things to do for self-development. Then you will not be knocked out of the rut by such attacks from the outside, because you know about their shortcomings and are willing to work on them.
Examine the Situations That Knock the Ground out From Under You
At what moments do you not feel inner support? When you are scolded by your boss or when you are in a certain company of people? What behaviors and actions can cause you to lose your inner equilibrium? When do you feel victimized by circumstances? Examine yourself so you can work through each fragment in detail and learn how to keep your guard up in such cases.
Expand Your List of Values in Life
As we’ve said, goals and values form an inner foothold. And they can be adjusted. It’s not a character trait you have to come to terms with. Understand your purpose, expand your horizons, get food for the mind and inner strength will help to contribute to yourself, self-development. Read books, learn new things, master interesting professions or hobbies, analyze philosophical topics and answer yourself the question, “What are my life values?”
Embrace All Your Feelings
Don’t try to stifle emotions you don’t like. Rather, ask yourself why you are feeling it right now. What brought you those emotions? What hurt you in this or that situation? Only by honestly answering yourself to these questions, can you understand your feelings and accept them. And in the future, be prepared for the fact that similar situations will cause the same feelings.
Don’t Take False Guilt on Yourself
It’s easy to lose your footing within yourself when someone tries to shift their responsibility and their mistakes onto you. Or when someone rebukes you for rejection or imposes their view of the situation. There is no shame in saying no! And it shouldn’t make you feel guilty. And taking the blame for the mistakes of others is also wrong. It’s something you have to work on.
Don’t just take it as a word, but as a way of life. If you promised to do something – do it! You set a deadline – get the work done on time! First, after such behavior others will respect you even more and characterize you as a man of your word. Nowadays it’s worth a lot. And secondly, your inner support will also receive bonuses and will be strengthened by increasing self-esteem and a pleasant feeling that you are a rare person on whom you can rely.
This skill comes in handy in moments of weakness. For example, something unpleasant has happened and you look to others for support. Stop and think about why you can’t solve the problem on your own? Why is it that situation that compels you to turn to others? What qualities do you lack that would make you stand up to the situation?
Self-observation will help you understand the causes, find weaknesses and gaps in your inner support, and learn to close those needs with your own strength. Over time, you will find your most important qualities that make your inner support stronger, and you will be able to make do with your own strength.
Separate Your Goals From the Expectations of Others
Even when a heavy burden hangs over you in the form of public opinion, unsolicited evaluations, and even more so other people’s expectations and demands, it’s hard not to bend and not to deviate from the right path. In such situations we often find that very support: either we run to ask someone’s advice, or we decide the issue on our own.
Having an inner support will help. It will make you rely on yourself: when you clearly know what you want, what you are striving for and why you need it, you will not seek the approval of others and retreat from the goals. You will simply go your own way, confident that this is your life and only you can decide what to do with it. Thank all your advisers and do what you think is right for you!