Q&A with Dr. Dorothy: Your tough questions answered
Dorothy Ratusny is a Certified Psychotherapist specializing in Cognitive Therapy. Send your ‘Getting Deep’ questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
All my friends have had sex except for me. I feel left out when they talk about it all the time. Sometimes I feel like I should sleep with the next guy I meet just to feel equal to my friends. Is this normal? When will my time come?
It’s completely normal to feel left out when most everyone around you is having sex (and talking about it). Having sex out of a need to belong rather than staying true to what is right for you won’t make you feel good about yourself. Decide what your personal beliefs are about sex, and don’t settle for anything less. Choose the right time when you feel ready rather than being pressured into making the wrong decision.
I think my mom wants to divorce my dad. They’re constantly fighting, and she always says she is going to leave him. Is there anything I can do to keep them together?
You’re not alone. Many children (of all ages) want to do anything they can to help their parents stay together. Unfortunately, it’s ultimately up to your mom and dad to save their relationship. You can encourage your parents to see a professional therapist, both separately and as a couple. You may even want to talk to a professional therapist or a counsellor at school if you feel like it’s too much to handle on your own. Remember that both of your parents love you despite the outcome of their own relationship.
I am a little overweight. I play soccer and I feel as if every girl in the change room is talking about me. What can I do to get their whispers out of my head?
This is where you need to rely on your inner strength. Girls can be the biggest critics of their own gender. Know that whispering and staring happens to every girl at some point. Remind yourself to stay focused on why you’re there—to learn a sport and to have fun! Do your best to carry yourself tall and proud, and smile when others look over at you. It’s difficult for others to be unkind when you are showing them acceptance and warmth.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year, and I think I love him. I am leaving for university in the fall, but I don’t know if I should go to the same school that he’s attending, if we should break up, or if we should try long distance. I don’t want to lose him. He is my best friend. What should I do?
Decide what university you’ll go to based on what’s best for you academically. Have a conversation with your boyfriend about what you both would like to do regarding your relationship. You may be able to continue as a couple (and see each other as often as you can) even if you end up at different schools. If he’s already your best friend, staying in touch will be possible (even though you’ll miss each other). If you make your decision based on what’s best for you, then you won’t have any regrets, regardless of what happens with your relationship.
For more on Dorothy check out www.dorothyratusny.com