About Modesty: Why It Matters And What to Do With It

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There is a widespread belief that modesty adorns the person and is a positive character trait, and its absence, on the contrary, makes people unpleasant or humorous. But excessive modesty can also be detrimental. For example, to prevent the achievement of deserved success. Where does modesty come from and how to determine a reasonable balance of this quality in your personality?

Modesty is often confused with shyness. This is not surprising, since the manifestation of these qualities can be very similar. Both are certainly the result of upbringing, but have very different sources. Shyness comes from the anxiety that a person will be rejected, laughed at, criticized if he showed himself somehow. Shy person would be glad to get everyone’s attention but cannot overcome his anxiety, fear, does not take this step, and that is why he suffers. A shy person deliberately does not show their qualities, merits, not to express his thoughts, while in the depths of the soul may even praise himself for his restraint. What does it look like in life?

The girl complains that her personal life doesn’t work out, her career doesn’t work out. She received two degrees, but she works in a low position, with her work well and could bring more benefit to the company in a higher position. She cannot go to the management and ask for a promotion. In her opinion, the management should discern a talented manager in her and offer her a new position, but no one comes and offers it. In personal life, it’s the same: the prince himself should discern a future princess in Cinderella. Over the objection of the psychologist that the heroine of the fairy tale actually looked the best at the ball, the client laughs. Explains that she, too, happens to be at various events, looking spectacular there, but she refuses men’s attention.

Everything Is Good in Moderation

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These games are enjoyable only if you don’t spend all your money on them. Modesty, as it may seem, isn’t the flip side of pride. Many modest at heart still are proud because they do not need all the things that other people need (attention of others, promotion, money, fancy clothes, travel, etc.). In other words, they think they are special, far removed from the hustle and bustle and better than others. Often modesty is another manifestation of pride. Modesty in itself isn’t the problem. Just as there is nothing wrong with overt pride if there is something to be proud of. But everything is good in moderation.

You can say you are too modest if:

  • Friends and acquaintances make remarks to you about it.
  • Colleagues at work receive diplomas and bonuses for what you know and do so well, but do not boast about it.
  • In meetings, you listen more to others and keep silent, even though you know the issue well, and maybe even the solution to the problem.
  • You dress discreetly, carelessly, perhaps even unattractive, although there is an opportunity to look much better – but why, because the person should not be judged by appearance.
  • When meeting new people you don’t tell about yourself or limit yourself to very brief information.

These signs can be listed many, they all describe situations where a person’s behavior says: “I do not need anything”. If you believe that such behavior is largely peculiar to you, if your modesty is excessive and spoils your life, you can discuss this issue with a specialist – seek help from a psychologist.

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