You will find lots of people around you to give relationship advice when entering a new relationship. But the kind of advice that you should be paying attention to is the one from divorced people. They have been through a roller coaster of emotions and their advice is like a gem that deserves attention. They have endured the loss of a relationship that was once even more precious to them than their lives. They have already spent time thinking about what went wrong and they most definitely would be clear about their mistakes and that of their partner.
Each divorced person will give you different pieces of advice on the basis of their experience and situation but here are 5 common ones that you must hold onto for a healthy and successful relationship:
1. It’s not your job to change them
Whether it is a guy or girl, do not marry a person to change them. In fact, it is not your job to change them. Every person wants to be with someone who accepts them the way they are and that’s what you should be doing too. Think about it, can you change a cat into a dog? No, right? Love is never enough to change someone’s nature or upbringing.
If you still force change on your partner, it can take a toll on your relationship and even end it. When you don’t like something in your partner and you criticize them for who they are, you are attempting to cut the core of their character. You will eventually lose them. So, let things be and try to focus on improving your life rather than changing your partner.
2. Sex matters
Men and women vary in sexual appetite and so you have to be generous towards your partner’s needs. At times, you won’t be in a mood and your partner is. Don’t refuse straight away, make an effort instead. The more you get to know about the desire of your partner and the actively you meet their needs, the happier you are going to be.
Then, there is another issue. Sex is always great at the beginning of a relationship but as you have children, your priorities change. You need to spend 30 minutes a day as a couple no matter how busy your lives become. As your kids grow up and move out, it will be eventually you and your partner. By that time, couples usually have become strangers to each other because they lose physical intimacy in between. Don’t let that happen to your marriage.
3. Trust each other more
Trust is the glue that holds your marriage together. Remember that trust is never automatic, it has to be built and it takes time and constant effort from the two of you. For building trust, you must be open and honest with your spouse, keep your promises and take a leap of faith whenever needed.
If there are trust issues in your relationship and they are unresolved, this could cost you your marriage. Lack of trust can make partners do unbelievable things like following their partner, hiring a private detective, pen tracking devices and even using spouse monitoring apps to snoop on their partners.
Paranoia is also your enemy. Using a spouse monitoring app may sometimes prove beneficial as well. You can quickly and quietly allay your fears and doubts by going through your spouse’s phone. If you are lucky, there will be nothing there and you can put your fears to rest. However, it is best to not make a habit out of it.
4. Communicate well
There is no future of a relationship without communication. Whether it is your partner, parents, siblings, children or co-workers, you can lose the essence of the entire relationship if you don’t communicate. That’s why it is said that relationships are nourished by communication, particularly that of a husband and wife.
Communication doesn’t just mean talking. It includes both verbal communication and nonverbal communication and then comes physical acts of love and kindness that show you adore and value your partner. Lack of communication can give birth to frustration, tension, mistrust and defensiveness which can transform into conflicts. For instance, if you don’t call, it can upset your spouse. If you don’t tell them what’s wrong with your health, they might think you are exaggerating or maybe even faking your illness. Poor communication will make it difficult for you to work through your emotions and solve even the minute problems.
5. Don’t be emotionally dependent on your partner
You don’t want to be the type of person who believes they are miserable unless they are with someone. You should never emotionally depend on your partner. You need to figure out who you are and who you want to be and stop looking for happiness in your partner.
Watch out for the following signs to find out if you emotionally dependent on your partner:
- You don’t hang out with your friends or family often
- You don’t do anything alone. You always wait for your partner to join you.
- Your only source of happiness is your relationship
- You don’t feel good about yourself and you constantly need your partner to feel complete.
If you lean too much on your partner, you might enter their personal space and this can make them run away from you. So give your partner space and have a self-time set.
6. Practice Transparency
Perhaps the most important out of all these tips is to practice transparency. Transparency means committing to open and honest interactions with each other. Because both partners are heard without judgment by the other, it leads to a better understanding of each other. You will also feel less vulnerable when sharing and approaching difficult topics.
Practicing transparency gives both partners a sense of security in the relationship. They can feel confident in knowing that nothing is going on behind the scenes to undermine their relationship. You will also get to know the real person your spouse is. They will feel more comfortable with sharing their hope and dreams, as well as their insecurities and struggles.
Although this may seem odd, installing a spouse monitoring app on each other’s phones may help you be more transparent with each other. If you can both see each other’s messages and phone media at all times, this drastically reduces the likelihood that any partner is dishonest. Using an app like Xnpsy will also show you each other’s location in real-time, as well as location history. That can come in handy to clear away any misunderstandings. These features will also be useful for locating your partner in case of an emergency.
As you hold onto these golden nuggets of knowledge, it will help you build a foundation of a healthy relationship with your partner. I hope you can implement these tips to have a blissful married life.